So you want to wear high heels...
You know that we girls have an amazing super power, to make our legs look longer with these wonderful accessories high heels.
And don't be mistaken,
it's a real super power, as long as it takes Wonder Woman three turns on herself to transform, which is pretty long in "super hero timelapse", we have a lot to do to slip into our shoes.
First, match the shoes to your outfit (or, much longer, to match your outfit to your shoes). Then FIND the shoes in the hundred's of pairs you have collected for years with love, and put into a special closet in your room - or your daughter's room maybe, who is about to turn twelve and now wants her space for herself. Then, wear the shoes, which is absolutely not as simple as jumping into a "simple" pair of sneakers. Maybe you have long laces to wrap around your ankles, perhaps the back of it rubs your skin the wrong way so you have to prepare a special invisible band to put somewhere. It's too tight, or this pair is a little bit too big (
no, it's not that your size wasn't available anymore, it's just that the shoes, like jean's, just loosen over time), and you have to remedy this with very small socks or a special sole inside.
Anyways, you want to wear high heels today, to look beautiful and pretty, and show your tech mates that yes, being a girl is amazingly better than they think when your job is to... take care of these electronic devices you love so much.
The only girl I've seen wearing high heels and being able to carry her enormous full luggage is Juliette Dragon. You may not know her, but you should. She is totally a super girl. It is so impressive when she wears high heels and a mini skirt, that guys don't dare to talk to her. Which seems contradictory, yes, but in itself is an amazing skill.
She explained to me that she wears her heels in her apartment several days before trying them outside. Knowing that she lives in Paris, that flats there are approximately the size of a big match box, most are on the fourth floor (at least), without elevators (of course), and mostly hardwood floors, it's incredible. Well, so Miss Dragon has this super power, going down stairs without falling, jumping into the taxi without slipping, taking her luggage out of the taxi's trunk without toppling, running onto the concert stage without sliding... She just amazes me.
Let's jump into the difficulties and assume we're gonna put our high heels into our bags and wear them at the last moment, when we've arrived. Yes, it's a girl thing, you guys can't understand,
we have endless capacity bags.
The first difference we notice is when your not wearing your heels, other technicians just shake your hand. But as long as your wearing them, they want to kiss your cheeks.
That's a fact, not a discrimination.
Okay, you've stopped into the lady's room, put on your high heels and already are feeling like Cat
Woman, ready to jump on the wires and check if the lights are correctly plugged in.
First thing's first, don't look at your feet, this will totally screw the magic. Just keep your eyes forward and your head held high , always. You know, our job is mostly to check if wires are correct, after having seen if electricity is on.
"Have you tried to turn it off and on again?" is our moto. So, of course, as you arrive, all the wires are still on the floor, like tools and other sort-of-devices no one knows what it's used for. Let's go and check the power supply. Done. Well you already have kissed three people on your way in, one of them may be the one paying you, with a little bit of luck. Now, time to go back into the machine room and verify the master console.
Time to be clever. If you are asked to climb on a structure to see if the smoke machine is correctly plugged, try to remember one of the name's you've been told on your way.
Something like
- "Hey, Mina, did you check the smoke machine?"
- "aww..... I guess..... JOHN did it, no?"
Then, make your way to the control room as fast as you can, not forgetting to smile or blink one eye in a conniving manner. I mean fast, like someone trying not-to-run-nor-fall in high heels.
You're doing good, close the door behind you. You're safe now.
Of course, there is
always already a tech guy in the control room. And of course, the heels are already hurting your feet.
Now I'm gonna give you a BIG secret, please keep it secret, as we girls know how to :
only say it to one person at a time, quoting that it's a secret of course.
You already know BY HEART how to use the consoles and devices in here. You WANT to say it, and show that yes, you're a professional in your work. But it's time to use your guile a step further.
- "OOOOOOOOOwww, you've got good stuff here!"
This simple sentence will have a magic effect : the guy that's already inside is gonna stand up from his chair and start showing you all the devices one by one. Look at him in his eyes and start to make a discreet side walk.
Nod in agreement "MmmHmmm" look interested, let him go on explaining the machines.
Keep going.. side walking, two steps more..... AAAAND now sit in his chair.
YES!
Relieve your feet. So good isn't it? No, no, don't thank me right now, you will have to train to manage this trick girls, just come back whenever you have had a whole night in your high heels sitting comfortably on a chair.
The biggest part is done. Whenever he comes back and looks at you like it's his chair, just move your bust and ask "IS THIS REALLY THE ONLY CHAIR IN HERE?".
If he says yes, which is
highly improbable, because after having showed all these amazing machines he has in there, he can't just say now a chair is missing, but if he says that it's the only one, there are two solutions.
First, you are ready to stand up once again, as your feet are feeling better, and you ask
"Do you want your chair back?".
There is still 50% chance that he says no.
Second, you really didn't train enough with these shoes, and can't stand up.
Let's play the last card and ask:
"Can you find JOHN please sweetheart? I wonder if he has checked on the smoke machine"... Stop just one second to look at him with a smile.
"And if you've got a coffee machine, I would be
the happiest girl on earth".
In my experience, by the time he comes back, the show will have started. You are in your best element : electronics. No wonder if you'll manage, you're the best at it, that's why you're here. And as long as the lights are turned off, no one will notice that you have taken your shoes off under the table. Works also if you're DJ'ing or VJ'ing, because only the top half of your body will be seen by the crowd, but that will be part of the next article.
"So you wanna be a tech girl" episode 1 by Mina. Thank for reading.
